You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
