Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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