please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
