At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
