Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
