JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
