When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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