apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
