just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want a musical about memes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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