Non-Jews are for practice
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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