Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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