dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
