is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
