My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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