maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
