it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize