i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
