are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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