Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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