watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
