I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
