Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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