Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
