Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
