Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
