Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
