"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize