i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize