i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
