What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
