Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I supernannyed him into submission
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