My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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