Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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