my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
