So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
