I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
