So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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