just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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