And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
