i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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