two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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