She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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