I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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