Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
