my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
