he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
