Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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