her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
