Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
