Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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