genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
