Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
