omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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