I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
