I think I died a long time ago.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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