Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize