A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
