Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
