I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
