All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
