i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize