Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize