I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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